[Also a bad sign; he's seen America be many things, but wistful usually isn't one of them.]
America, you seem to be hiding something. I do wish you wouldn't.
[He sighs.]
Tell me, or tell me to drop this line of questioning, but for the sake of my... curiosity, please stop dancing around the subject. That's still my endearing character trait, not yours.
[He'd almost said concern, for a moment, before he'd substituted curiosity.]
[Well. He's called her out. America puts down her chopsticks and wipes her mouth with her napkin. After returning the napkin to her lap, she clenches it in her hands, rather than overturn the table and storm out. She had made a promise, after all.]
Fine. I just... I wish you hadn't left. If you were still a part of the group, I-- I'd feel like I had a reason to be there. Now? Every day I feel more and more like leaving them. I don't know what's keeping me there. They all know each other, mostly, they all come from the same place. You and me, we were different. And without you, it's just me who's different. Who's got this background none of them can ever really know, you know? And I feel like the one person who understood where I was coming from just... just up and left.
[She's not going to cry. Miss America Chavez doesn't cry. And Miss America Chavez doesn't run away. Except she does. She runs away all the time. She ran away from home after her moms died. She ran away from Nullifier and the gang after that went south. And she's about to do it again.]
[Loki listens very carefully to the whole thing, because he did push it to this point, after all. He's still very carefully watching for signs of violence, though, because America does have a tendency to punch him when things go badly.]
People knowing far too much about my background is one of the reasons I ended up leaving. On top of others, like fears for how little good I'd do for party cohesion.
[He smiles, very cautiously, because if he does this wrong she is probably going to hurt him.]
I really didn't think it would have much of an effect on you. You've always coped rather well with unexpected consequences, of my actions at least, and carried on regardless. I always thought it was a rather admirable quality, myself.
I wasn't aware of any reasons you'd want me to stick around. I'm not precisely anyone's favourite god, as you well know.
[He's never expected anyone to actually want his continued presence, after all. Oh, the rest of them would certainly have tolerated him, if he'd stuck around, but he'd expected something of a sigh of relief when he's chosen to vanish instead.]
It's not that I wouldn't have, if I'd have thought there was genuinely some reason for it.
Ah, America? Please remember I promised the restaurant you wouldn't throw me through any more walls.
[He likes this restaurant. Also, not being thrown through walls by people.
He looks up, making sure to meet America's line of sight.]
Yes. You and whatever was between us would have been a very good reason to stay, believe me, and I wanted to. But still, there were also very good reasons to leave, some of which I'm not actually meant to mention out loud. I will, though, if you sit back down.
[Loki places his hands on the table, palms up, and then folds them together and leans forwards slightly.]
You were there for my... confession, so I'll just reiterate the major point of that scene. I'm not the Loki that was, before he died. Nonetheless, the universe still remembers that Loki. And as long as it does, there's a chance that it can pull me back to being that Loki again.
[He shrugs, because this is now a rather old speech.]
And having those things recorded doesn't help. So. I made a deal, with the current rules of Asgard. I get to erase my old sins from the records, one at a time, as long as I work for them. And, in the process, I may have made a few enemies so far. And it's not guaranteed that the old Loki is gone.
Well, that's the plan. [Yup, that's pretty much it.]
Try very hard not to mess it up, I suspect. But at the rate it's taking so far, it will take me as long to erase everything as it did to commit it in the first place. I do have time in between, at least, to call my own, but not enough to be any more than an occasional, slightly unreliable ally.
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[It's one of the reasons he approached her in the first place, after all.]
You make it sound like there's a problem there.
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I guess you've got me pegged. [She takes another bite of food, then shrugs.] Guess there's no problem.
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America, you seem to be hiding something. I do wish you wouldn't.
[He sighs.]
Tell me, or tell me to drop this line of questioning, but for the sake of my... curiosity, please stop dancing around the subject. That's still my endearing character trait, not yours.
[He'd almost said concern, for a moment, before he'd substituted curiosity.]
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Fine. I just... I wish you hadn't left. If you were still a part of the group, I-- I'd feel like I had a reason to be there. Now? Every day I feel more and more like leaving them. I don't know what's keeping me there. They all know each other, mostly, they all come from the same place. You and me, we were different. And without you, it's just me who's different. Who's got this background none of them can ever really know, you know? And I feel like the one person who understood where I was coming from just... just up and left.
[She's not going to cry. Miss America Chavez doesn't cry. And Miss America Chavez doesn't run away. Except she does. She runs away all the time. She ran away from home after her moms died. She ran away from Nullifier and the gang after that went south. And she's about to do it again.]
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People knowing far too much about my background is one of the reasons I ended up leaving. On top of others, like fears for how little good I'd do for party cohesion.
[He smiles, very cautiously, because if he does this wrong she is probably going to hurt him.]
I really didn't think it would have much of an effect on you. You've always coped rather well with unexpected consequences, of my actions at least, and carried on regardless. I always thought it was a rather admirable quality, myself.
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Well I'm glad you think I have an admirable quality. Obviously not admirable enough to stick around for, though.
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[He's never expected anyone to actually want his continued presence, after all. Oh, the rest of them would certainly have tolerated him, if he'd stuck around, but he'd expected something of a sigh of relief when he's chosen to vanish instead.]
It's not that I wouldn't have, if I'd have thought there was genuinely some reason for it.
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We weren't enough reason?! The... I don't know, the friendship we had? Whatever we were building?
[Even she doesn't know whether she's speaking for the whole group or just herself, but she's too upset to really think about that right now.]
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[He likes this restaurant. Also, not being thrown through walls by people.
He looks up, making sure to meet America's line of sight.]
Yes. You and whatever was between us would have been a very good reason to stay, believe me, and I wanted to. But still, there were also very good reasons to leave, some of which I'm not actually meant to mention out loud. I will, though, if you sit back down.
PLEASE forgive me for the time this has taken
Fine. Talk.
nothing to forgive :)
You were there for my... confession, so I'll just reiterate the major point of that scene. I'm not the Loki that was, before he died. Nonetheless, the universe still remembers that Loki. And as long as it does, there's a chance that it can pull me back to being that Loki again.
[He shrugs, because this is now a rather old speech.]
And having those things recorded doesn't help. So. I made a deal, with the current rules of Asgard. I get to erase my old sins from the records, one at a time, as long as I work for them. And, in the process, I may have made a few enemies so far. And it's not guaranteed that the old Loki is gone.
<3
And once you've done that, then what? What will you do with a blank slate?
<3
Try very hard not to mess it up, I suspect. But at the rate it's taking so far, it will take me as long to erase everything as it did to commit it in the first place. I do have time in between, at least, to call my own, but not enough to be any more than an occasional, slightly unreliable ally.
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[They eat in silence for a while, America, at least, unsure of what to say.]
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[He eats silently, studying America. At least he's still fairly unbruised, although a quiet America is a rather worrying one.]